The River that Flows Both Ways

There’s a Pete Seeger song about the Hudson River, and it goes a little like this – “I could be happy just spending all day on the river that flows both ways.” I lived along that river for a few years, and I would literally spend hours gazing out my window high above the Hudson  River and dreaming.  I really relate to that song.


The point is, I’ve neve had a normal brain. My mind has always wandered and I’ve always daydreamed more than most people. Bright? I am very, very intelligent. But my mind is strange. Or “and” my mind is strange. Maybe intelligence and weirdness go hand-in-hand. Okay, instead of weirdness I should say creativity and quirkiness. Okay.


Anyway, that dreaminess is not what I’m talking about. Really. Well, but it kind of is. And the inability to concentrate alternating with hyper concentration has been my pattern. These days I don’t seem to have the focus at all, though. I’m not a dreamer, anymore. I’m brain damaged. The difference may be lost on some, but I feel it with a vengeance.


I guess, when I think about it, that means my dreaminess and inability to concentrate are not bad. I mean, I could be happy watching the river all day. It’s the damage that is the problem. 

I’ve long been afraid that fixing myself means losing myself. Now I think I can lose the bad to uncover the great. I hope so.